


Favor

by virghoe



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom
Genre: Angry Sex, Cunnilingus, F/M, First Time, Friends With Benefits, desperation sex, smutty smut smut, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-13 13:06:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4523217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virghoe/pseuds/virghoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan reveals to you that he's a virgin still, and you offer to help him out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So idk this could be a series (if you guys like it enough idk) but im letting it be a one shot right now. Enjoy my sinning lmao.

“Dude, I don’t know. Can we stop talking about this?” Dan was getting embarrassed, as much as he’d like to play it cool.

  
“Dan, it’s ok to be a virgin” you said trying to calm him, you said it slowly, but a slight laugh fizzing in your voice.

  
“Not at 23!” Most of how he played this was to be funny, over dramatic and loud, but the way his eyes darted from you, and how his speech had a soft stutter, he was truly upset. You were opposite each other on the couch in your house. The New Jersey sun shone a little too brightly today, so you both took refuge in your parent’s basement. You had just gotten back from school for the summer, and Dan, well he was finished, trying to figure out what to do next. You had known Dan since his scrawnier days, days he was behind large frame glasses, and days his cheeks were rosy and inflated. But if he could manage it, he thinned out more, in the face, and he let his hair grow, a fluffier mop cut paired with stubble, that even traced the divot in his chin, framed his renovated face nicely. You hugged the pillow in your lap closer to your chest, wording your next proposal would be difficult, especially since you had this much history with Dan.

  
“Well, I could, I don’t know, take care of it for you?” You were treating his virginity with the casualty of a house plant. But at this point, it was worth about that much to him. You studied the process of how his face changed in that short time, at first a puzzled look eyebrows pressed down, only for them to be lifted, and paired with wide eyes, and a slightly gaped mouth, then a confused look, questioning your sincerity. With a slight shake of his head, he was a little fearful to continue.

  
“What?” He knew exactly what you meant, but I guess this would be anyone’s reaction, needing exact clarity because it was so, to put it bluntly, stupid.

  
“Well, like, I wouldn’t consider myself, like _so_ experienced with sex, but I would be ok with like, helping a buddy out” it was becoming harder to be casual, you tried using the word “buddy” to lighten the matter, but obviously wasn’t relieving any tension.

  
“But that-that’s gonna like, ruin… this” Dan was becoming a little frantic in how he spoke, running out of words. “This” was your friendship you supposed, your dynamic. You could see him picturing exactly how you both would have sex and then some unreasonable fight would happen and then it’s friendship over. But he was overreacting, and it was in his nature to be a little obsessive over well, everything.

  
“It’s gonna be ok, and, hey, I mean we’ve been friends so long, that it would be kinda special?” His head was tucked to his chest, and he was watching his hands, you tried moving your glance below him to lift his head, and once you got his eyes, which seemed rounder than ever, to focus on you, he half smiled.

  
“It would be special” he was gentle in how he spoke, also in his nature.

  
“It’s your choice” you said, putting your hand to his shoulder, and tucking your lip into a smile.

  
“Do I have to take you on a date or something?” he was laughing, not too hard, but it was good to actually hear it.

  
“I mean, if you want?” Although you proposed this, you were clueless on how to actually conduct it. In theory, you could do it right now and get it over with, but Dan was a romantic, so I guess it called for a little more flare.

  
“Um, why don’t you just drop by the apartment tonight, and we’ll figure it out” So it was happening tonight, at Dan’s barely furnished apartment. In retrospect, it was good it was happening so soon, because you wouldn’t want to spend days getting wrapped up in how worried you were, but that didn’t stop you from being nervous. You were having _sex_ with _Dan_. And yes, Dan was attractive, very much so, but you had never thought of him in that sense. But was that even a sense? I mean, boiled down, sex is not much of anything, animals do it everyday, mindlessly. So maybe that’s how you should approach this? Well, you would want a little mind in it, it was a favor you were doing for Dan, but this wasn’t exactly like giving his car a jump, it’s a moment he’ll remember forever. So you had to find the balance of being detached, but not too soullessly, with casualty, but enough care that he’ll feel it was the right decision. To have him regret this would absolutely destroy you. He is trusting you right now, and you can’t let him down.

  
“Yeah, I should uh, probably get ready” You said, a little breathy from nervous laughter, it was already four in the afternoon.

  
“Yeah, yeah. Uh, come over at like, uh, seven” Dan said, moving quickly to the stairs, he hung from the railing when he turned back to you,

  
“Hey, (y/n)?”

  
“Yeah?”

  
“Thanks” he let a small crooked smirk peak through, this solidifying a lot of things for you.

  
\---

What outfit says “Off to casually fuck my best friend”? That was the question that had to be answered in a timely manner. Jeans and a T shirt felt too... casual? But that was the point of all this, right? No pressure. But you felt you had to doll up a little, maybe. But a cocktail dress was a bit too much, you wanted to look nice, and yes, alluring, but nothing too much. Oh, and underwear. That was a factor here, wasn’t it? I mean, he was _definitely_ seeing it, so you guessed you’d have to make them special. Luckily, you had a secret passion for matching underwear, so you had plenty of choices. But making that choice was difficult, you wanted to look good, and have something for him to remember, but did you want to put off an aura of actually trying to look good? This thing you guys were doing had a lot of conundrums packed into it, but there was no backing out now. You studied the “plan” as it was laid out across your bed. A light pink sundress, and underneath would lie a bra and panty set, white, edged with pink lace. The bra had a small pink bow in the center, and slight gold accent along the pink. And the panties were plain white, but with a pink lace cover over the bum, same gold trim. But with this, you decided to add frilly garter straps. And you wouldn’t admit to how devilish you felt when concocting this little number.

  
But now was the time to actually put yourself in it. And once you were, you couldn’t keep yourself from the mirror, a slight show of vanity and a dash of perfectionism. And you absolutely drenched yourself in perfume, just so he could have a smell to remember this by. But the anxiety that ate like acid through your stomach was finding its way to heat up your chest, before it could start burning your throat, you had to text Dan.

  
 _“Remember you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to”_ God, it felt like you had said that so many times. But part of you felt like you were cheating him. If that was the right word for it.

  
 _“I want to, I promise”_ Dan once again proves to be the best at calming you down, as he’s done so many times before. Was it six thirty already? Tangled in yourself time found a way to just slip by, but now you were feeling its crunch. It was quick actually moving to get inside your car, but once there, it was so excruciatingly slow to even get it started. Seconds scratched their way up your arms and minutes found a way to flick your neck harder with each passing, God why were you so worked up? It’s _Dan_. Dan, chill Dan, sweet Dan, teddy bear Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan. You knew him. Life with him was normal, and sex with him would be _good_. But maybe that’s why it was so stressful, you would enjoy sex with Dan. Maybe this would throw you into some new feelings and actually ruin your relationship with him, but it was far too late to worry about this. The gears were in motion and there was no way to stop this, you thanked yourself sarcastically for that animal analogy earlier. With how stupid you were, it was easy to assume you had the emotional capacity of a monkey or something.

  
The drive there was reckless, and you had made a few others on the road angry, you could attribute that for your rightfully carried away mind. And you felt weakness fade in and out of your knees as you took the steps up to his apartment. You gave a rather pathetic knock on his door, obviously barely audible, so the next one was a bit harder, trying to drive all the anxiety out in the pound of a fist.

  
“You look great” he said, softly, almost like he didn’t intend for you to hear. You smiled at him, and then were immediately hit with the scent of his cologne. One he used a little much of, but it was good, too good. It almost made you suspicious of his virginity, the way he smelled, because it was definitely one that could hook a girl in. But you were quickly reminded of how new at this he was, when you caught a glimpse of the slight knick he had under his chin from the razor. He wore a button down, with skinny legged pants, but no shoes.

  
“Could we stay in tonight?” he asked timidly, this brought a slight smirk to your face for a second.

  
“Of course” You said as cheerily and as gentle as you could. It could almost sound condescending if interpreted wrong.  He took your hand, and lead you inside. The place had been spruced up a bit for your arrival, and even a few candles lit, you turned to him, hands on your hips, with a smart ass grin. To which he snorted, and flopped to the couch. You followed, and he turned to you.

  
“So, do uh, do we start? Now?”

  
“If you want” you wanted to give him as many outs as possible.

  
“Now, uh, now seems good” Dan was still after that, for too long. You took his hands in yours, and squeezed them once, for luck maybe? He looked down to them, and backed to you with a chewed lip, only to be released with a smirk. This is when he leaned in slightly, oh, a kiss. You tried meeting him half way, your eyes falling shut, but before they could all the way, you couldn’t help but let a laugh out. It wasn’t your intention, obvious from the raspberry sound it made, but Dan wasn’t afraid to join in. This is when he looked back to you.

  
“(y/n)?”

  
“hm?”

  
“Hold still” this is when he took your chin with his fingers, just to keep you there long enough so he could kiss you. It was gentle, sweet, and long, one that was still, but you didn’t want the movement, it felt so right to keep it there. When he moved back from you, his fingers lost their light grip, and fell to his lap, his lips remained ever so slightly pursed, and his eyes, they were slow to open.

  
“Hey Dan” you said, almost like the world around you was closing in, like a blanket caped over top of you.

  
“Yeah?” he said, same volume, his eyes finding a way back to you.

  
“Kiss me again” This request was more for you than anything else. You hoped the tinge of desperation it sprouted from wasn’t too prevalent in its delivery. However it was said, Dan was happy to oblige. He kissed you again, this time with a little more force, his lips adjusting, just to find the exact way he wanted to kiss you. You moved in waves, and if a particular setting found itself too good, you lingered on how he connected to you for just a bit longer than you should have, He pushed you back against the couch, and placed his knee between your legs, your hands liked to burrow themselves in his hair, and you’d let a finger drag past his ear, and down his chin, only to push his lips from you, using that cute divot in his chin as a release button of sorts.

  
“Bedroom” you said, trying to fake confidence with your dazed eyes. He nodded, and crawled off of you, taking your hand when you stood up, it was clear in how he almost dragged you to his room that he was eager to proceed. You sat him on the bed, standing between his knees to give him one more kiss, one you stressed longer than you really needed to, and plucked yourself from so gently, something to leave him needy.

  
“I’ll be back” you said, moving to the bathroom, in this almost perfectly white room, you watched yourself in the mirror. You removed your dress and folded it, leaving it neatly on the toilet, you looked over yourself a final time, with a quick turn just to get the full picture. Before you left you couldn’t help but yell through the door:

  
“No laughing”

  
“Ok” he said with a slight hesitance in his voice. You crept from behind the door shyly, and stood in front of him, you thought posing would look too silly, so you tried just to stand, but your knees ended up touching, and the weight in your feet couldn’t find a constant place. You felt the skin on your arms prickle as you tried holding to yourself.

  
“Hey” You said shyly, the distance between you and Dan seemed to stretch itself thin.

  
“Hey” he said, letting his mouth quirk up into a smile, and God, if that didn't make _you_ smile. You turned your head away from him and covered your mouth so you didn’t laugh too hard. He got up, and walked to you, placing his hands on you upper arms, and he kissed you, quickly enough so he didn’t get distracted.

  
“I’m glad we’re doing this” he was trying to reassure you, and he did the trick. With this, you focused your eyes on the buttons of his shirt, you were gentle at first, taking time to pop them through their corresponding holes, but once you felt a knuckle drag along his chest, you sped yourself, and let your grasp become a little firmer, soon it was full finger pads dragging up to his collar, and trailing behind his neck, while you single handedly, and poorly, removed the rest. His hand came to aid you, the other dragging up and down your side, and playing lightly with the band of your bra, you found it refreshing how coy he was. Letting him take care of the few remaining buttons, you took his wandering hand and pressed it to your breast, fully and firmly.

  
“It’s ok” it was soft when you whispered to him, you hoped your glance was soft beneath your eyelashes. His fingers snuck over the cup of your bra, trying to peel it back, and feel the skin. You unoccupied yourself from him, undid the clasps, and shrugged the straps off your shoulders, he helped it off your form, and was the one to finally throw the thing to the ground. He put a full hand to your side, and drug it up to your chest, he felt your breasts, first with full palms, and pressed them. He was hesitant, and his breath was still, to encourage him, you faked a little pleasure, you arched your back, and let out a suggestive breath. While if he known you weren’t actually getting that pleasure he would be hurt, he would be much more uncomfortable knowing he wasn’t doing things quite right just yet. A little white lie was fine right now, it was right. All this said, it wasn’t that you weren’t turned on. Honestly, you were. Very much so, you found it extremely arousing how special he was trying to make this, how incredibly gentle he wanted to be with you, how much he cherished every bump and brush of your skin to his. You felt his thumb brush over your nipple, and were quick to lead it back there, and draw circles over it. He tried to mirror this with the other breast, and you pressed kisses to his neck, which you saw gave him visible chills. Removing his hands from you, you pushed the rest of his shirt from his forearms. You walked him back to sit on the bed, and when he had, you pushed him back, hair splayed out beneath his head, and breath heavy, mouth slightly parted, he looked too good. This is when you crawled over him finding places to press kisses randomly up his form. You dove to his lips once more, his kisses were sweet, and this one featured tongue. Even though he was a virgin, he knew how to kiss. While locked with him, you let a hand trail down and undo his pants.

  
With a slight gasp you plucked yourself from him, and stood back up. His legs, with feet still planted on the floor, were now demanding to be bare. You tugged the pants off his body, and he helped to kick them over his feet. Clad in only his boxers, he was starting to feel your vulnerability from earlier. You decided now was as good as time as any to remove your underwear. Stepping out of them, as subtly as you could, and trying desperately not to get tangled in the garters, you stood before him a minute before you played with the hem of his boxers. You then snapped the waistband against him, which sent shudders down his body, which he let a dry laugh accompany. You laughed too, but as quietly as you could manage, trying to preserve the quiet you two had made so perfectly for right now. You pulled them down, not really caring where they’d end up, you needed to just touch Dan right now, so you did, maybe in your most barbaric manner. You took him, and started pumping his shaft, a little too roughly at first, but then finding your pace. Dan immediately pressed his head as far back into the mattress as he could, squeezing his eyes in that way that made wrinkles vein out through his whole face. You then flicked your thumb over the head of his cock before slight sucking on it, letting your tongue slightly spiral around it. Meanwhile your finger drag an agonizingly slow line up the bottom of his cock, and then went to handling his balls, rubbing circles with your thumb, with them weighed against your palm. To hear his groan was payment in its own kind, God, he sounded good. His hand flew from gripping the sheets to fumbling over the drawer of his dresser. Quickly, he flung a condom your way. A little comical in the delivery of it all, you let yourself giggle at how haphazard he was being. You tore the wrapper with your teeth, and rolled it on slowly, not forgetting to grab his hand to ghost yours, just incase he needed a lesson for next time he would do this. You didn’t want to think about who else he would do this with.

  
When it was finally on, you tried to catch eye contact. But he was quite caught up with being dazed, hiding behind his eyelids for the minute just to gather himself

  
“You ready?” you asked breath a little labored because, God knew _you_ were. He gave you a quick nod with mashed lips, not even attempting to stutter out some nonsense. And with that, you slid yourself onto him, it was slow at first, of course. You moved yourself forward a little, just to get a feel for it. His breath came a bit vocal, and you considered this a good sign to go on. You moved in a similar fashion again, and started to produce a rhythm. To stabilize yourself you pressed your hands to his chest, and tried to keep back the gritty words so desperately trying slip through your teeth. His hands left the sheets again, one to hold your hip, and to push you a little when he needed it. The other went to lace with your fingers that were splayed across his chest. He was biting back words as well. In response to a grunt, not to far from the word “Fuck”, you threw your hip to the side, an action that hit him so well that he let the full word be clear. You were sloppy now, moves were less precise and desperation was a motive behind most of your combined moves. After one particular shift, he thrusted up to you, and came. The noise he made absolutely _sinister_. Enough to get you oh-so close, and would only take his shudder to send you over the edge. It took a minute of heavy breaths for you to actually remove yourself from him.

  
After he tossed the condom, he came back to bed, the blankets too light over you both.

  
“So… I heard you finally lost it” You said to him with a raised brow,

  
“Yeah, great girl, I wonder how she thought it was. I mean, I don’t have a lot of practice, obviously” He laughed back, you both very much not touching beneath the covers.

  
“She probably thought you were good” You said back, finally letting yourself touch his hand beneath the covers, he squeezed your palm and pressed his forehead to yours. You know how you were so worried about this bringing up new emotions? You were right to worry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leaving can be difficult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i realize this is SO short but its just kind of exposition-y and i wanted to post it before i go into more plot heavy things, just so i can be super focused when writing later, if that makes sense??

Your bodies merely acted as shells for this time. Ones so solid in how they stayed with one another, exactly calculated in how much they could touch each other. Inside these shells were scribbles of energy, each finding their way to different parts of the body, warming and weighing those parts, you both were loud in the still silence.

  
“Do you want to leave?” Dan felt like his words were tearing the air ever so slightly.

  
“No” It really did hurt to disturb such a thick quiet.

  
“But I should, because…” You really didn’t have a reason to leave, but you felt like you had to. While Dan was older than you, you felt you had to be the adult here, the mature one. Things needed to be clean for this break, but I guess there isn’t a way to do that here. Leaving the bed, you didn’t bother rushing to get your clothes on, in fact, part of you loved the thought of Dan lingering on the sight of your skin, something he had held _so_ closely not _so_ long ago. But you guessed that was why you had to leave. The thought of teasing him like a _lover_ , like he was _that_ to you. You weren’t sure if you wanted that yet, or ever, frankly. Dan was a mess, if you were being honest. First, he was terrified of commitment, something he made you very aware of, every time you two drifted into some topic dealing with how long some couple had been together, it was frequent for him to shake his head in, well, what seemed like almost disgust. “I can’t imagine that” was followed by a stiff silence on its first few utterances, but soon responded to with an eye roll. Second, he was scattered, and worried about, just, everything. In the few times you had seen him working on his music, his lyric pages were neat, but flooded, color coordinated, and sometimes repetitive. This was a visual representation of just _him_. He didn’t play the part of a perfectionist, but you saw it in his littlest movements, making tea, typing an email, even how he talked sometimes. You wondered if the reason he started over sentences was because he didn’t like how it sounded the first time.

  
This all sounds like you are making yourself out better than Dan, but that wasn’t the case. You were equally disastrous. College had been tough, and while you were able to keep a cool and collected front, the loans and grades really chained you to the floor emotionally. And again, going back to this moment, getting dressed at a snails pace, just because the thought of teasing Dan was entertaining you, that was some shade of toxic wasn’t it? So yes, you were no prize either, but that only strengthened your point. Two wrongs don’t make a right, _especially_ in a romantic sense. Love and debauchery had a nice ring to it, but if you were going to be truthful, to yourself and Dan, you two were a fifty car pile up waiting to happen. And you were swatting away your own hand from turning the key.

  
“I really can’t thank you enough” Dan’s voice was trying to cling to the lining of his throat, but managed to screech by. You were fully dressed again, and you looked to him still tangled in mussed sheets, hair at a peak hilarity, you fought the resisting forces in your body, the ones telling you to just bolt, and sat by his legs.

  
“It’s fine. You just owe me now” relying on your humor in ill fitting situations was probably another flaw you could have listed.

  
“Fine, alright. What do I owe you?” Dan straightened himself to look at you dead on, a challenging attitude quirking up his smile.

  
“I guess for a situation like this, it’s jinx rules, right? So a soda, probably”

  
“You got it” his authenticity to the promise was enough to make you laugh hard and suddenly. You looked back up to him, mouth covered trying to settle the laughs that popped like bubbles. His smile had calmed, and settled over his drowsy eyes. Before you could even predict it happening, he pressed a quick kiss to your cheek, and let his teeth show in a chuckle induced smirk.

  
“You said you had to get going” and with this, you tried being true to your promise earlier, and left.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Round 2 is a little more emotional than anticipated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends more smut... Idk writing this MAY have been a little fun. Idk if I should keep going tho...

You looking at your own grades was difficult, but not nearly as difficult as your parents finding out about your grades. After the initial verbal lashing you had gotten, they were able to settle, mostly triggered by your immediate show of disappointment, in yourself. After a long talk, one that dragged a little too long, and a little too roughly, with hastily wiped tears and white knuckle grabs of the couch cushion, you were able to come to the conclusion that had been staring you down since, well, since you enrolled. You had to drop out. You couldn’t spend another year donating thousands to the money pit that was your academic future. No matter how much “drive” and “ambition” you shoved towards the college (all of that coincidentally wrapped in your parents’ checks) you were going to suck at school. And hey, maybe that’s just how you were, and maybe it _was_ fine, and natural, but right now, you didn’t have the brain space to be nice to yourself about it. It was far easier to be completely destructive, actually.

  
So you did exactly that, you sulked. Decomposing into your bed almost, the creeping warmth whiskey left in your throat was the only looseness you were able to let yourself feel. Before you got too drunk, you allowed yourself to call Dan, to save yourself from the disabling loneliness you knew would take over later that night.

  
“Hey, (y/n)! Haven’t talked to you in awhile” He wasn’t wrong. You had been hesitant actually trying to contact him since your little deal, only now had you gained enough confidence to actually overlook whatever social etiquette that stopped you previously.  

  
“Yeah, I uh, ha- pick me up?” Sentences were hard. You were a great speaker in your head, poetic even, but something about the thought traveling its way to your mouth skewed itself. You heard a crackle laugh through the receiver.

  
“You got yourself a designated driver” it confused you when he hung up after that, you said your thank yous to the empty line, all until you heard the absolutely chilling screech of the phone, to tell you that, yes idiot, he hung up. The glow-in-the-dark stars that had stayed stuck on your ceiling since you were thirteen, Dan being the one who originally helped you put them up, were losing their shine while you waited. It felt like you could see them slowly dim before you, but that was your eyes playing tricks on you, ones you were a little too eager to believe right now. Luckily, this little game of readjusting your eyes over and over was enough to occupy you until Dan got there. You watched the beams from his headlights shoot through your window, and coat across your room before pulling in to a more concentrated splash against the back wall, and then, in an instant, they were replaced by darkness. Missing the low thread count sheets immediately, you pulled yourself from the bed, and stumbled as quietly as you could out the house. Dan was leaning against the car, looking as stereotypical bad boy as ever. Leather jacket, unkempt hair, a shade darker stubble, aviator sunglasses, deep V neck and skinny legged pants, the whole nine yards.

  
“Well, _hello_ Danny Zuko” the swing in your walk was less calculated than it seemed, but this worked out in your favor, even tipsy, you liked to be a smart ass.

  
“ _Hello_ Sandy” he said trying to mock your play, his lips slithering into a smile, and glasses moved down his nose, so he could make eye contact with you. This was only to punctuate his next quip.

  
“But I guess you’re more of a Rizzo right now?” you breathed heavily, letting the air scratch your teeth on the way out, verging ever so slightly on a scoff. You let your eyes roll themselves as you traced yourself around the car, readying to get in the passenger seat. But first, you had to look to him from across the car, elbows pressed to the roof, and palms balancing your chin,

  
“I’m not in the midst of a pregnancy scare, but I’m dealing with my own stuff, I guess” Being with Danny in person really cleared up that verbalization problem from earlier, something about him being present made things, just, smoother.

  
“Oh, tell me more” he joked, throwing himself into the car, and you followed.

  
\---

  
“But what am I gonna do?” You weren’t frustrated with Dan, but with the entire situation, but something about him insisting things would be alright was a little aggravating. Once you found yourself in your little depressive rut, it was nearly impossible for someone to convince you of anything but the worst, even if that someone was Dan.

  
“(y/n) you could do anything! That’s kinda the beauty of right now, you have almost any option open to you” He was a little annoyed in how he said this, if it were possible, as it mixed with some tone that absolutely radiated positivity. You watched his hands move above you as you layed in his lap. You watched his fingers spread exaggerated, and then watched his shadow, stretched faintly across his ceiling, follow it. Right now, you were feeling a little self conscious about the pity party you were throwing, but obviously not enough that you would stop yourself.

  
“But I don’t know if I’m good enough to do something amazing like you’re talking about…” You let your head roll to the side, and let your glance hang on the vague reflection of you two in the TV. You were fishing a little, but maybe that was acceptable now, you know, when your entire life was losing shape before you.

  
“Oh, (y/n), don’t do that” he wasn’t harsh in how he said this, but he didn’t coddle you either.

  
“Of course you’re good enough, you’re so creative, and funny, a-and sweet-” It sounded like he had more, but he decided to cut himself off while he was ahead. He said this like he it made sense, and you were just being so _dense_. It only intrigued you, you shrugged yourself upwards, soon pushing yourself into his lap, resting your back on the armrest of his couch.

  
“You think I’m sweet?” you said to him, bringing your knees closer in.

  
“I mean, of course I do…” He looked forward, then down, a nervous smile quivered his lip. The way he said this, innocent, and with sincerity, like he’d thought it his whole life and only just now found the word, _sweet_ , God it made the desperation in you rocket to an all time high. It was in that moment that you let the low self esteem, that had always existed but was merely put on steroids with this blow, take impulse control. And it was crashing. Before taking time to think through the ramifications of what you were actually doing, you ducked your head below his glance, and caught his lips with your own. Before your eyes fell shut you barely saw the raise in his eyebrows, a satisfied surprised. This kiss was spur of the moment, yes, but not at all regretted, by either party. You rolled your lips away from him, your nose a pivot point, when lips disconnected the bridge of your nose pressed up to connect your foreheads, from beneath his lashes, he tried to find your eyes, which remained shut a little too long, to open them would mean explaining yourself. His breath was shaky, and there was a gulp. His lips stuttered to find something to say, and before you let him struggle any longer, you gave him a terrible excuse:

  
“Lesson 2, I guess?” he let this be good enough. He moved his mouth forward to kiss you again, and let his hands crawl like spiders, each finger pressing dotted paths across your back. One of your hands found a sweet spot in his hair, and your other traced a line down his neck, and painted swirls into his chest.

  
“I don’t know if this is like, _so_ tenth grade to ask, but, give me a hickey?” his voice was so intoxicating when it was coated with thick breath, and you loved how his nose brushed against yours with the weighing waves of his tension. But, Jesus, that was funny. And you couldn’t help but let an _ugly_ laugh slip from between lips that were so desperately trying to stay shut.

  
“Yeah, it’s ok, I figured” he laughed, trying to not look as embarrassed as his cheeks revealed him to be.

  
“No, no, I will” you let a laugh rustle your voice and carry into an almost hum,

  
“Just, uh, why do you want one?” You tried to keep monotone, but your snickers would of course disturb that.

  
“I don’t know, I just, well, I’ve obviously never had one… I just… wanted to see what the hype-” before he could finish you were working at his neck, he couldn’t even try to finish whatever he was rambling about, he would be caught by an almost _humorously_ obscene moan. Playing with the thin skin of his neck, you were proud of the already developing mark you were leaving, picking too obvious of a spot, on purpose of course. I mean, he wasn’t trying to impress anyone while working his glamorous day job, a waiter at Outback Steakhouse. When you finally removed yourself from him, you wondered if he still felt the kiss burning on his neck, like you still felt his within the cracks of your lips. When your lips were finally free again, he swept into them once again, this one almost trying to “get you back” for that hickey. In this kiss, he found a way to press your back to the couch. Dragging his tongue back out with a rough slowness, he tried catching breath before speaking again. He looked down on you for a moment before continuing.

  
“I uh, I read how to do this online, so uh, just tell me if I do alright” before you could even formulate a question for him, he pressed another kiss to your lips, in this one, you felt his fingers wrap along the waistband of your pajama pants. When removing himself from you again, he made eye contact with you just to make sure it was alright, and of course, it was. He peeled the pants from you, feeling like he would rip them, or maybe you, if he was too rough. He then pushed the fabric of your tank top up, and kissed patches in your stomach, eventually they would create a path down to your underwear. He looked at them for minute, a quick glance at you, then the panties again. To test the waters, he drug a long line through the thin barrier that concealed you, and he must have seen you bite your lip at this little instant of contact, because he repeated himself. Then, trying to remember the tons of typo ridden instructions, he tried circles, to which you responded with a squirm, one you’d be a little embarrassed to remember. After that seemed to run itself thin, he decided he would then have to go to the next step, one he had been anxious about. When pinching the lace of your panties, he seemed to stall, he wasn’t confused, he definitely knew what he wanted to do, but he was so nervous he’d do it wrong, and you’d laugh him off of you and maybe off the face of the earth, a long shot, but totally possible in his mind. You noticed his pause, and helped the thin fabric down your thighs, Dan pulled them the rest of the way.

  
“I’ll tell you what feels good, ok?” you said down to him, to which he responded with a nod. His kisses were hesitant when placed upon your inner thigh, you guessed this was an easier spot for him to start, and it drove you crazy with anticipation. He was slow to move to actually you. Long strokes of his tongue were followed by tiny darts towards your clitorus, and while he was a bit jittery, and movements were a little robotic, he seemed to be doing the trick. His hands slid up your thighs and pressed themselves around your hips, almost pulling you more to him. You bit your thumb, and grabbed at whatever piece of the couch you could easily squeeze some energy into. _Shit_ , you forgot you had to be verbal, but you couldn't find the words. All of it felt so, I don’t know, inappropriate to say, nothing was fitting in your mind, the one that tried to make every scenario some scene from something like a low budget Wes Anderson film.

  
“So- good- God, fu-” a tightness in your throat would cut you off, but he got the message. He was faster, less precise in how he moved, yahoo ask message boards no longer being recited as a mantra, he was experienced now, well, maybe experienced wasn’t the word. He was getting the hang of it. When you took back your shin, shooting your knee into the air, he moved his hand behind your thigh, and massaged tiny springs with his thumb. You hoped the sofa caught your moan more fully than you felt it had.

  
“God” was your ‘ _I’m gonna_ ’ or your ‘ _right there_ ’, more desperate than romantic. But that’s the point isn’t it? Romantic wasn’t the goal. This was casualty. This was desperation. This was a _favor_. All the rose petals and champagne were left at the door, they had no place here. But you had to bite back a compliment on how beautiful he looked right now, if you were going to stay true to that. Part of you didn’t want to. But you did, because now was not the time to mess up _this_. Whatever you could define it as. However, you still took note of him when he came up slowly to kiss you again. His hair was a mess, but the kind that looked like he had just been caught by beach winds, curls fell in front of his face, and when he dove to your lips, you were quick to push them to the side. Just so you could get a glimpse of his eyes, which had stars practically coating them. They were tired, and sloped downward, when plucking himself from the kiss, you let the base of your palm press against his stubble, while your thumb ran over the thin wrinkles next to his eyes. He leaned into your hand, and turned to press a kiss into the pad of your palm.  

  
Regaining your energy, you found yourself at his belt. Before the exaggerated wait as you fumbled on his buckle, Dan cut you off by him undoing it himself. With the pads of your fingers, you pushed his chest away, and once you were sitting upwards again, you pushed him to the next end of the couch. You were rougher than he was when taking down his pants. But part of you just wanted to touch him again. This feeling often overcame you if you recalled, contact with Dan was so different than the still air that sat between you two, and while that was good in its own right, there was no comparing it to how it felt to actually _feel_ Dan. And to see Dan when you felt him, that was a whole new level of good. You watched the twitch behind closed eyes as you pumped his shaft. And the heavy breath he let slide with an ‘s’ sound swirled past you. He too, was fidgety. You tried stilling his legs with your free hand, but soon just let him kick away the nerves, you, obviously, were a little preoccupied. And almost memorized by the speeding rise and fall of his chest, and how much of that was _your_ doing.

  
“Fuck” he wasn’t a romantic either you guessed. You sat yourself back on your knees, letting yourself relax. After closing your eyes for a second, you regathered yourself to get some tissues. When you returned, You layed back on the couch, arms stretched above your head. Dan found a tiny gap to slide himself into, and you turned to him, one to give him more room, and two because, maybe all you _really_ needed in the first place was to hold him. You laid your head against his chest, and knotted your fingers in his shirt. You tested how far you could wrap yourself with in it before tearing.

  
“Is this just our thing now?” Most of Dan’s voice was lost to the low rumble of the grit in his throat, it always got that way when he whispered.

  
“Maybe” you weren’t being helpful, but this was partly due to the reality of, well, everything heaping itself back on you.

  
“I don’t mind if it is” you wondered if it was kiss he pressed to the shell of your ear, or maybe it was just his lips grazing it.

  
“Of course you don’t” you laughed a little at him.

  
“I kinda don’t mind not knowing” you admitted. And yes, you felt his heavy sigh. He wanted labels, but you weren’t even able to define yourself, never mind you plus him. **  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The early hours after sleeping with someone really can affect your judgement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey this is short sorry! But idk i kinda just wanted to get this out of the way so i can really figure out how to write the next part.

“Let’s go to France” The night seemed to suck up these words when he spoke. It was somewhere between one and three in the morning, that gap in time that felt like the world stopped spinning. You both sat on the trunk of Dan’s car, and you traced the edges of the flaking paint with your free hand, the other held a slurpee to your mouth.

  
“I just dropped out of college, I don’t think I’m really in the position mentally to learn a new language” You explained grabbing new air after a hard gulp.

  
“True” Dan nodded, looking out onto the road that lead away from the gas station you were at, it seemed to be engulfed by the black of night. You wouldn’t know how unsettled he could get by this image.

  
“How about New York, not too far, we could live a trashy new age life” you laughed, poking new holes into the thick of your drink.

  
“Nah, you’d die out there, which would really harsh my mellow… like permanently” he took a sip of his slurpee, and you held back a remark on how cute his lips looked blue. Because he really shouldn’t be cute right now, or ever, for your sake.

  
“You have a point. I _do_ like being alive” you weren’t going to fight him on this, he was right, you weren’t as scrappy as you’d hoped you could sell yourself as, and every mugger and their brother in New York would know that.

  
“How about California?” Dan said after you both tried thinking for a minute.

  
“Like L.A.?” you actually turned to him now.

  
“I mean, yeah. I’ve always wanted to do something in comedy, and there’s so much opportunity to do whatever out there, I’m sure you could find your niche” He slid his leg up the car so he could lean forward to you. Oh no, he had that look in his eyes.

  
“Wait, are we being serious right now?” you gestured a little with your almost empty cup, shaking your head in an “you’re kidding me” sort of way.

  
“You weren’t?”

  
“Well, I mean, no. I don’t know”

 **  
**“(y/n), there is nothing holding you back anymore, you can go o-or do whatever!” Dan’s voice liked to speed when he got excited, and that smirk he had made it easy for words to slip, but he was always there for immediate repetition. He liked to keep his sentences clean.

  
“So I was being ‘held back’ by college” you were the first to agree that college was a bust, but something about this offended you just a tad.

  
“No, fuck, (y/n) you’re at a very brief point in your life where you can just go. You don’t have any ties here, why not just… run” Dan took his time to find the right word, he was rarely so serious, so you tried to be mature with him.

  
“I’m not like you Dan, I can’t just ‘run’. While you are so… functional on your own, I-I’m just… not” It was easy to get yourself worked up, and now you were tucked to yourself, stirring your slurpee anxiously.

  
“Hey, who said you were doing this alone?” Dan tried to get you to actually look at him, and succeeded.

  
“You’re not moving across the country for me” you said with a snort, eyes back to your drink.

  
“Who said I’m moving there for _you_? I’m going there no matter what, but I just figured you may speed up the process. God, you’re so self absorbed” He said the last part with a heap of sarcasm. And you were able to laugh again.

  
“So is that a yes?”

  
“I-” you drug this out enough to make your voice fizz,

  
“please-please- _please_ ” Dan was proving himself a child trapped in a grown man’s body.  
  
“Alright, I’ll do it. What do I have to lose?” You were more defeated in how you said this.

  
“We’re doing it!” Dan was louder now, and the night just ate up the volume, a slight echo was the only trace of him. He pushed himself from the truck and stood up in excitement, not really knowing where to put his energy. He soon found he could use it to lift you, and twirl you in a hug. When he put you down, you were dizzy and found the back of your legs leaned up against the car, hands there keeping you stable. He was slow to move in front of you, placing his hands on top of yours. Your chests fed off the others pulse of breath. Being so close to him made your throat tighten, and you averted his eye contact.

  
“I’m excited” he said, sighing, placing his head atop yours, and you burrowed your face into the crook of his neck.

  
“Me too” and maybe a little bit of you wasn’t lying.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being in California

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda scattered but i had to get some exposition-y things out of the way but idk how this is turning out

The process of finding a place in California was a long and boring one. Hours upon hours of figuring out where exactly you’ll live and if you even have the savings to do anything, you did, thanks to the bar mitzvah money Dan had put aside when he was younger, forgotten about, and had gained a considerable amount of interest in a savings account. It wasn’t a lot, but enough to get you going. And you found a pretty shabby apartment, but it was enough for you two. But the hardest part had to be telling your parents, who were all too eager to explain to you how much this would fuck your life up, as if dropping out of school didn’t already check that box. But you were grown, so ultimately it was your choice. And with obvious hesitation, you stuck with the plan, and tried remaining positive, save the multiple phone calls made to Dan, tears flooding your voice and a shaking hand having trouble keeping the phone to your ear. But each time you made one of these calls, he found a new way to calm your worries. Some only verbal, a new way to assure you that there’s something out there for you, and sometimes it was an impromptu trip to get snacks, something to sooth your flipping stomach.

  
Though Dan tried to keep his composure with you, you knew he had his doubts. You saw it when dueling computers with him, and looking over to see the worried glaze over his eyes, that was almost canceled by the glow of his screen, that held the scary expenses you both had been calculating. You saw it when helping him pack, and he would be extra particular about how he placed his things, almost as if the whole move would be a disaster if he didn’t have things exactly right. You even saw it when boarding the plane with him. He sat by the window, and placed his head against the wall and sighed, closing his eyes lightly, and pushing back his hair. You knew that most of him was excited, but it was certainly an interesting picture you two were painting. Both of you, literally flying to the place where “your lives would start” looking more miserable than ever. You put your hand to his shoulder, and smiled pathetically. You had no choice but to be positive now, it was too late to regret anything. He held one of your fingers loosely and gave you a nod, smile just as undone as your own.

  
You slept through most of the flight, able to push off your own anxiety. You didn’t know what Dan did with his, because when you woke, he was back to his optimistic self.

  
“Hey sleepyhead, we’re almost there” Dan said when your eyes fluttered open.

  
“Hey, awake-y head” you joked, trying to clear the sleep from your voice.

Actually moving into your new place was more brief than you expected, but really this made more sense. Two broke kids who just moved cross country probably wouldn’t have much in the first place. And you had a moving van with your actual furniture driving to you, so right now sleeping bags would have to do. When all that could be unpacked was, you both stood in the middle of your somewhat creaky and definitely empty apartment, hands on your hips, and an unaccomplished sigh filtering between your lips.   
  
“So what happens now?” You were the first to ask, a little stutter to how you spoke.

  
“I-” Dan started, not liking how he was going to answer. He gave it a minute before he restarted himself.

  
“I don’t know” he let his arms drop on this beat.   
  
\---  
  
In short, you figured it out. You got a job as a waitress at a dive bar, and another at a bookstore. Dan worked an office job, so he made good use of the limited dress shirts and pants he brought originally. You eventually got your things, but your place was no where near a palace. You both were living on the fringe of, well, everything. And while you would prefer a little more security in… this, you were happy here. No, you hadn’t found some great thing to do yet, but neither had Dan. You assumed these things just take time.

It was the day you both successfully paid your first month’s rent. Dan showed up at the bar you tended on Friday nights, and proved to be a very picky customer. He bought you a drink so you could celebrate your “not failing so far”, to which you accepted.

“To being average!” Dan cheered louder than you wanted him,  
  
“Oh my god” you giggled while clinking your glass to his.   
  
“I don’t know, I’m kinda amped we’re not like, dead, yet” he said, a sip immediately following.   
  
“I agree” you smiled.   
  
“Hey, no drinking on the job!” you were slightly jolted by the voice that was _definitely_ not Dan’s saying this. You stiffened until you saw who actually said it.  
  
“Brian! Jesus Christ you scared me” you were quick to shake your nerves with a laugh.

  
“Sorry” he laughed, but soon adding on:

  
“So is this famous Dan?” he directed this question to an unready Dan.

  
“Uh I guess” he let a laugh fall from the side of his mouth.

  
“This is Brian, he’s a regular here, and not lame” you explained, the last bit kinda thrown together because your attention was being called to the other end of the bar. You left the two alone to talk for most of the night, despite some quick remarks you were able to make while taking their empty glasses. When it came time to close up, they were both still there, laughing wildly.

“Hey, time to head out” you said to Dan, undoing your apron. Dan slapped a palm to Brian’s and shook,

  
“Nice meeting you, and we’ll definitely have to jam some time”

  
“You bet” Brian said back in his weirdly monotone (endearing none the less) voice.

  
“You sure you can get home ok?” you said to Brian as he made his way out, he turned back to you,

  
“Yeah I got a cab” He didn’t drink too much, but judging from Dan, you had to ask.

  
You and Dan took the ride home, him sloppily and excitedly going over how cool Brian is and how they could do music, however not yet because he barely knows Brian, and did you know Brian is also like a legit scientist? Because he had never met anyone like that- you cut him off with a small giggle.

  
“I’m talking too much aren’t I?” Dan smiled as he slunk back in his seat, you noticed even when tipsy Dan liked to keep how he talked neat.

  
“No, no, I just haven’t seen you so excited in a while” he just smiled in response, and it wasn’t long before you both were back home. You helped his lanky body up the steps, having trouble not getting tangled in his spindly limbs. When finally in the apartment, you placed him against the little arch way leading to the kitchen, and he smiled down to you, eyes so heavy with sleep.

  
“I’m really happy” he said, his voice becoming a lullaby.

  
“I know” you said back, playing with the collar of his jacket, sending a small smile up to him. He leaned forward and let his lips press to yours gently, and you pulled back before the kiss became real. He reeled back, eyes to you and then down. You two hadn’t done this in so long, you thought it was just something that happened, and you wouldn’t have to think of it again until it got funny. And that was a good plan for you, you didn’t want to get caught up in whatever feelings there were for Dan. But it only took one instant like this to get things started again, before he could get too far from you, you kissed him strongly, not really caring how your lips fell against him. But it was obvious he cared, he restarted the kiss to position himself correctly, and again, it ultimately took three tries. But once he got it, he held it. You pushed the jacket from his shoulders and it fell to your feet, but a certain tightness pulled at your stomach when he went to the waistband of your pants.

  
“Dan, wait-” you breathed, and he immediately released himself from you.

  
“Sorry, I-”

  
“It’s fine. I just... want to go to bed” you weren’t sure if you were lying. You knew you didn’t want to have sex with Dan, but only because you weren’t ready to get stirred up emotionally. But you knew you were only postponing this, something in you demanded to be with him, something that was hard to stifle, and you wondered if part of him hungered for you as well.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan was yours obviously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god smut.... Hey yall, i know this isn't rlly the """lore""" of how it all happened with NSP but w/e. Also i totally love comments so i would rlly appreciate if u left one!!

Not surprisingly, Dan and Brian ended up making a band. One that entailed fake characters, Brian playing a ninja, which you couldn’t even make a joke about, since it was already too ridiculous to conceive, and Dan a Sex God no woman was immune to. This was easy to joke about, the obvious one being that he basically had to put in a favor for him to lose his virginity. But you held back, knowing how cruel it was to make fun of him this way, but the irony still found a way to tickle you as you watched one of their shows. You sat in the back, but still had a good view of him strutting the stage in the spandex costume you had feverishly sewed the night before. It clung to his lanky form in a way that you _couldn’t_ find sexy, but ultimately hilarious, partly because you knew exactly what it was like underneath. You cursed yourself on every happy thought you had about Dan, his body included. You were only digging yourself deeper in to a hole, whatever that meant emotionally to you.

  
Dan had always been a talented singer, so you weren’t surprised when you heard how good he sounded live, however it was slightly surreal to hear your applause accompanied by that of strangers. When he first heard this, you watched intently on how his face warmed, a shade of red consuming his cheeks, and how he bit his lip to fight back a goofy smile. So you smiled for him, wider than ever. You were so proud, so extremely, incredibly, _stupidly_ proud of him. And while things weren’t set in stone, he was on his way. He was doing the things he said. They weren’t empty promises made at one am anymore, they were real, _they were in front of you_. Before the applause had a chance to end, you let out a loud cheer. A noise you really had no control of, one that suddenly appeared in your chest and before you could even discern what it was, was spilling out your mouth. And he heard you, and knew it was you, because he chuckled loud enough for the mic to catch it. Part of you was oh-so satisfied by that.

\---  
  
“Hey!” you were on a whole other mom-like level right now. When he finally got close enough you wrapped yourself around him tightly, and swung him out of all the excitement that had been building with you, but had no real way of letting itself out.

  
“Hey” he chuckled back. You looked around as you disconnected from him, the bar was still pretty packed, so you looked back up at him.

  
“Why don’t you get changed, and I’ll let you get hammered tonight” you joked with him.

  
“ _Gee_ , thanks mom” he said oozing sarcasm as he turned towards the bathroom. You ordered him something that he probably wouldn’t like, you always seemed to do something wrong when you were given the responsibility of choosing for him, as you waited for him to come back. And waited. You drinks had come quickly and you studied the bubbles at the bottom of his floating to the top, all while you basically guzzled yours. Brian would pass you occasionally, and you would wave, still looking for Dan. He had to be out of the bathroom by now. So you looked over the bar for the tenth time, nothing- wait. He had been tucked away in the back corner, and a blonde standing shorter in front of him. The glitter on her shirt caught the lights just enough that you could see him.

  
Oh. It was a dropping feeling in your stomach when you finally put two and two together. I mean, he had the right to talk to another girl. You never established anything with him. So it was fine. Everything was fine. He looked down and then up to her, the same way he did to you so often. He’s dead.

  
You didn’t really give yourself time to think through a plan when you walked- no stomped, over to him. You only caught a glimpse of her voice before sliding your arm up Dan’s back.

  
“Hey, you didn’t grab your drink?” You tried being sweet in how you talked, but an accusing tone was all too obvious.

  
“Oh, shit- yeah, I, ha, I got caught up talking to-” he seemed too genuine in how he said this.

  
“Amber” she filled in the blank, her smile pressed and disappointed, she caught on faster than he did. 

“Well, I-”

  
“I should get going” Amber said, not allowing him to give her an excuse as turned into the crowd, slowly getting eaten up by the mass of other people. You let a satisfied smirk crawl over your lip.

  
“What the fuck, (y/n)” Dan was finally aware of your intentions tearing your arm from him, and you were too sour to argue with him. But it wasn't too hard to pull a sarcastic comment out for him.

  
“What? I’m sorry, did I ruin your great romance? I must have gotten bored while you _left me_ ” your voice was soap, scrubbing him down.

  
“Look, I’m sorry but you still-” _God_ , you didn’t want to hear it.

  
“You know what? Go find a ride home, I’ll see you later” your words were eating at your throat like acid, you didn’t want to be so... the only word you had to describe it was awful, but he had made you a flavor of mad you weren’t able to process right then. He followed you out the bar, calling your name, and quickly noting to Brian that he had to leave. You were almost pulling out before Dan slammed his palms to the hood of your shared car.

  
“What are you doing?” You had never heard him so mad, even though slightly muted by the front window, you heard the anger. His question was just something to yell at this point. You gave up, slightly realizing how mean you were being, but still letting rage drive a lot of what you did.

  
“Just get in, I don’t even care anymore” He was quick to slam himself into the car, turning to you fully as you backed out a little too aggressively, trying to put your anger somewhere.

  
“You really have to talk to me right now” he was still angry, but part of him was desperate to understand what was going on. While you knew it was impossible for him to guess, it insulted you that he couldn’t. You were unreasonable, and you were able to admit to it, just not right now.

  
“Obviously you’re not interested in talking to me, you just wanted to talk to _Amber_ ” you let your voice whine slightly when you said her name, proving you were in fact, a fifth grader.

  
“Oh my God, are you serious?” he was trying to fill up the car with his voice. And you wouldn’t contribute to that, so this is when you went silent. Another childish act.

  
“So you’re not talking now? Great. Perfect” You weren’t being helpful but neither was he. The bickering was pointless and led you in circles all the way home. You slammed the door when you finally were able to get out, and away from him. He did the same, calling after you again while you walked in, quick to climb the stairs just so you could lock yourself away from him. He followed you up the stairs, your name echoing against other calls of it in the white, save some dust, stairwell. You slammed the door of your apartment behind you when you finally got there, just to stop hearing your name, but muffled versions slipped through the cracks, before those drove you insane, he was in the apartment again.

  
“You have to stop running” He was almost pleading with you now, but don’t worry, anger was still coating what ever his mouth had to fling at you.

  
“It’s obvious you don’t care what I have to say, so why say anything?” Looking back you couldn’t be more embarrassed of how childish you were acting, but it felt so appropriate right then.

  
“Oh my _God_ ” Dan threw his head back, his hands followed to rub his eyes, exhausted.

  
“Why all of a sudden are you being so _possessive_?” he knew that word would irk you, so you were immediately there to reply.

  
“ _Possessive_? Over you? I’m sorry not wanting to be abandoned so my friend can get laid is so _possessive_ ” Dan put his hands to his hips, and kneaded his lips, nodding his head because he had one hell of an argument coming up.

  
“I finally fucking get it now, you’re _jealous_. You’re jealous of me trying to fuck anyone but you” You hated when he was right.

  
“Who am I supposed to be jealous of? Your left fucking hand?” you felt dirty taking such a jab at him.

  
“Oh there are plenty of girls you can add to your hit list” he said this in such a slimy way, only adding to the very real twist in your stomach. He had been with other girls. And while you could assume this would happen one day, you didn’t know it had already happened, and especially while you were in such close contact with him. The wounds drug themselves through your chest, and up to your throat. It was an ache, something so sudden, but somehow gaining weight the more it stuck with you.

  
“You’re lying” you said this in such a shaky way, trying desperately not to sound vulnerable.

  
“You’re a heavy sleeper” He swallowed before saying this, his words so dry. He sounded almost sorry when saying this. This is when the distance between you two seemed so far, and it only stretched further. A rogue tear found its way out the corner of your eye, and you were quick to sweep it away, but Dan saw.

  
“(y/n)” he was weak saying this to you, immediately trying to close the gap between you two, briskly walking over and putting his hands to your upper arms. You tried to push him off, slamming balled fists to his chests, a “fuck you” peppered between each hit. You tired yourself quickly, you didn’t want to actually hurt him, but, _shit_ , you were mad. You grabbed his collar roughly and pulled his lips to yours. An angry firmness in how you touched him. Fiery warmth in every part of your body, you hoped to burn him. He disconnected from you to just look at you in utter awe, to be fair, you were being a new shade of unbelievable right now. One he had never encountered, probably because you had never felt this groundlessly mad before. Especially with anything concerning him. His voice had gone from a gravely yell to a slithery hiss.   
  
"Fuck" You felt his rage now, in a hard kiss, something just to touch you, he pushed your back to the wall, and slammed his palms aggressively, partly to support himself, partly to just _hit_ something. Still locked in a kiss, he took down one of his hands, to move to his belt. He was faster than you could ever be taking off the damn thing. You swiped his pants and boxers down, disconnecting from the kiss. This probably wasn’t the healthiest way of dealing with your problems, but it was the most affective currently. You took a rough hold of his length and began stroking him. An immediate swift inhale overcame him, you had a powerful touch when it concerned him. You weren’t being precise, too much was clouding your mind to do that. Your foreheads were pressed together, he was kneading his lips as your sped your pumps, soon he shoved his head to your neck, biting the tender skin that draped just under your chin. Mindlessly, he moved your hand from his cock, and left your neck so he could grab a condom. You dropped your pants as well, trying to shake them from your feet. Before you could even think about it, he was entering you, lifting your leg over his hip, and God you needed him. Your gasp was audible on his first thrust, rustling the painting next to you. As he created a rhythm, you were thankfully not mindful of how much this must be disturbing your neighbors. It was noticeable how long you both hadn’t kissed, you just looked at one another, silently, save a moan or two, or some noise the other had conjured. Your faces were trying to have the argument you two put off, sometimes aggressive, others more forgiving. When you both had felt content with it, you kissed him again, and while connected he sent out a round of thrusts sure to send you over the edge together, he had calculated this pretty well, despite his mind muddled with anger.

  
The minute you finally took yourself from him, pulling your clothes back on, the tension was thick enough to choke the both of you, you wish it had.

  
“What are we doing?” Dan was defeated in how he asked.

  
“I don’t know” this had to be enough for right now.

  
“I guess that’s our favorite phrase” Chuckling. He was _chuckling_. Not for long, your silence was quick to stop him. It took him a minute to come up with the next thing he said,

"We can't just fuck our problems away whenever things like this happen"  
  
"I can't even tell you what _this_ is, Dan" Quiet. Again.   
  
"I just wan't to be done fighting" Even in the tenderest moments, you proved to be immature.   
  
"Okay" his smile was faint, but thank God it was there. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and you are more similar than you'd like to admit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this can stand as a working ending for this fic? So thats what I'll be calling it for now. Finished. Also @ neil hilborn thanks for giving me inspo bc his slam poem called OCD is so incredibly good and i was getting vibes like that for dan in this fic. Tbh rn i haven't even proofread this i kinda just wanted to publish it but ull go back later and fix it so if ur reading this rn sorry you're getting low quality shit lmao

It had been a month since you last touched Dan. Or even really talked to him. You two had “conveniently” coordinated your schedules so that when Dan was home, you were away, and vice versa. It was easier this way, in a sense. You could just forget the other, and pretend there wasn’t anything to work out. You could keep this up forever if you needed to, but you knew Dan would find some way to confront you about it. It was taking him longer than expected, so with every brief period you were in the same room, you felt a quick prayer speed over your mind.

  
“I’m heading out” you said, grabbing your key from the hook, you were off, and he had been too, and the close contact began to itch at you, so tonight you decided to go out and actually meet other people, an activity you were getting used to, only as it was becoming necessary in your escapades of avoiding Dan.

  
“Ok” he mumbled back, absorbed in his computer. You rolled your eyes at him, while you preferred not talking to him about anything that was happening, you found yourself easily annoyed at his lack of effort at this point, maybe he wasn’t as concerned as you were. That thought only angered you more, you tried using this as motive to get you to the bar, and actually talk to someone, maybe dump your feelings on them for a bit.

  
\---

  
That all seemed easy in your mind, but obviously, not as smooth in practice. You sat alone for awhile, allowing your senses to become a little hazy, alcohol aiding you in the process. A sense that liked to dull itself quickly was self doubt, which allowed you to make such a brazen introduction to the man that eventually sat beside you.

  
“(y/n)” you said proudly, putting your hand out to him.

  
“Troy” he laughed, taking your hand gentle enough, his shake just to appease you.

  
“What’s a pretty girl like you doing here all alone?” You’d normally be put off by his boldness, and creeped out frankly, but the part of you that thirsted for attention was willing to take any bait at this point.

  
“You tell me! I don’t know what it is, I don’t know why I’m not enough” you were getting a bit personal, but not at all sorrowful, your volume indicated anger.

  
“I’m hitting a little close to home I guess?” he laughed greasily, sliding closer to you.

  
“It’s complicated” you said sipping whatever drink you had been given, you asked for something that tasted like candy, and it was dangerous in that right.

  
“I love complicated” Troy challenged, and you straightened yourself. You told him about Dan. More than you should have. And with the highs and lows of the story, he became fascinated, keeping sober so he could bounce your drunk energy, to keep you on topic. Once you had run out of things to say, and the manager was near kicking you out, you and Troy left. He asked for you to go to his place, which you denied gently, and sleepily, you didn’t remember, but you wouldn’t be surprised if a bit of you was petulant. He was disappointed, but gave you a ride home none the less, and even walked the stairs with you to your apartment. When you walked in, the lights almost blinded you, you were so adjusted to the dimness of night. 

“Thanks for the ride” you said to him, the doorway an all too obvious divide between you two.

  
“Anytime” he smiled back. This is when he leaned himself against the doorway, looking at you a little too expectantly. You gave in, a goodnight kiss wouldn’t hurt, would it? He leaned down a mashed his lips with yours, nothing too exciting, but nothing too wrong. When he pulled away, he smiled to you.

  
“You have my number?” he asked sweetly. You would not be texting it, but you lied for the time.

  
“Yeah” and you waved, and closed the door in front of him, fake grin still on your face, but once it was out of his view, you dropped it with a sigh. Before getting a mere two seconds of rest, Dan who had been watching this little interaction, slammed his laptop hard enough to get your attention, and marched to his room, really punctuating his anger with a slam of his door. You let out a breathy groan in response, you were far too drunk to play melodramatics with him. Far too tired as well, as your proved when nearly immediately passing out on the couch, in the moments before drifting to a cold sleep you found yourself preparing for the harsh hangover that was sure to be just _icing_ to the situation you were currently in.

  
\---

  
He didn’t even try to be gentle when waking you up. Dan shook your arm aggressively, and you were scared out of your sleep, an immediate headache stabbing your temple.

  
“Get up” his voice was a harsh tear through the bridge between sleep and reality.

  
“Thanks for the hospitality” you said, shaking sleep from your voice, fingers immediately to your temples to try to help.

  
“I don’t really have the patience to babysit you” he wasn’t yelling, but he let that shade of aggressive take over his voice.

  
“I’m a grown up, Dan. I can take care of myself” You were trying to match him, furrowed brows accompanied.

  
“Clearly not, because you’ve been sleeping past one in the afternoon, in stale clothes and smeared makeup, after a night out with some asshole, who I can only assume is named something like ‘Porter’ or ‘Declan’”.

  
“ _Troy_ ”

  
“Exactly” Was he being serious right now? This was the exact bullshit he accused you of being a possessive freak about. And you wouldn’t let him think for a minute he was any different.

  
“Oh come on, Dan. You cannot act like I was some crazy bitch when I got mad at you, _for the exact same thing_ , and then read me this shit” you stood to face at him, waiting for how fucking sweet it would be to see him absolutely stumped by you. And it was, for the seconds he spent sputtering to find a way to start a sentence, but it became bitter the minute he finally looked up to you, an absolute wash of _broken_ over his face.

  
“I don’t understand how I’m supposed to be ok, w-when he only kisses you _once_ ” He said this in a way that was like a cascade of relief that he finally found a way to say this to you, but immediately followed with a tightness that slowly froze over his body.

  
“He doesn’t care if it’s right… b-but I do...” he was mumbling now, just hoping you would understand what he meant. Part of you was warmed by the initial sweetness of that, but then different surges of emotion took over you, guilt a major one.

  
“Make it right” you said, the quiet finding a way to cradle your words. As slow as it felt, Dan was making his fastest attempt to press a kiss to your lips, one so gentle that it made you lose an actual idea of when your lips were and were not touching.

  
“I’m sorry” he said, a regretful sigh about him,

  
“Me too” you said back, feeling equally guilty.

  
“It’s just- these things are hard” he was swallowing hard between these thoughts.

  
“Believe me, I know” you felt a slight laugh rumble from your chest.

  
“Can I start calling you my girlfriend?”

  
“Yeah. Even though that sounds pretty lame”


End file.
